THIS IS WORTH THE LONG READ PEOPLE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
My marriage life is boring!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Angin tak ade..ribut tak ade...tiba2 puting beliung..
Kesinambungan semalam yg konon2 boleh nk control emosi... duh..
Yesterday after work, I kept on waiting for him to sms/call to ask me whether I'm OK or not and what to have for dinner...tapi.. nan ado..sentap la mak..
Then I pulak yg sms dia..wah elok2 tgh minum and duduk bergebang dgn kawan2 opis dia sementara nk tunggu futsal..terus la I bertambah sentap..dan2 suruh dia balik.. At first he refused.. dh I rase dh terpekik terlolong kt hp, dia balik jugak!!
Balik2 terus menghempas2 kunci kereta bagai..mak lagi tambah sentap kan. Aku ni mengandung, ko ade kisah?? (Ni sebab hormone kot..slalu I tade lak sentap sgt.)
Actually niat di hati nk masak for dinner semalam, ayam masak lemak and sayur (I told you I bought sayur before kan?). Tapi sumer plan memasak ruined. I terus masuk tidur. Dah la demam tak kebah2, sentap satu hal. Dia pulak elok biar bini mengandung tidur dgn perut kosong. Tp sebab I dh kepenatan tidur jugak sampai ke siang.
Kesian kt Faruq sbb kena mengadap mama dia yg mengamuk tu, I biar je hubs settlekan dia. Selama nie I yg buat kan..so merasa la kan?
Tapi deep inside me, I pity him jugak. Kena layan emosi bini yg ntah apa2 nie. Tadi dia hantar I to office. Cepat2 dia bersiap and siapkan Faruq sebab taknak I drive to office. Tapi mmg pun, ni kaki nie sakit sbb cramp malam2. Membawak sampai ke siang. Tadi pagi pun hujan kan. But knowing him, dia mmg tak berbunyi2 sepjg pagi. Terasa sentap jugak nie. Tapi I sabarkan diri.
Sorry sayang sbb kena layan mood saya yg ntah apa2. Maybe I will get better after anak kita nie lahir. Please understand my situation ye sayang. Love you always.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
What happen in the third trimester..
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Betul la..skarang nie, baby betul2 active..tp still bagi mama tidur malam2 despite of the cramping legs la..hish.. Braxton hicks tu mmg dh rase.. Rasa nk terberanak je..tp tu false alarm jek kot..
Breast enlargement tu mcm tade je..dh takdir.. besar ni je kot..hehehe..redha je la..
Enough iron tu tak sure la..coz doc adviced me to stop taking iron pills if I still demam..takut nanti lagi panas katanya..plus my constipation is like hell..Rasa mcm bon*** dh terkeluar semua.. but my stool still degil takmo kluar.. hehehhe.. sorry tercerita pulak..
But mmg betul. I almost cried everytime the nature calls. After finish tu pulak, sure susah nk duduk dgn betul, coz dh bengkak2 bon***. I bought Phyto Fiber from my bestie tp tak makan lagi, coz hubby tak allowed. Takut effect baby katanya. But my bestie ckp that Fiber mmg natural based. Takkan effect baby. Dgr je la ckp hubby eventho my bon*** mcm disontot-sontot... (lol)
After deliver kena pegi repair bon*** plak.. :D

Yang prihatin dan tak prihatin
Sepanjang pregnancy nie mcm2 hal yg I observed. Yang prihatin dan tak prihatin about pregnant women.
Yang prihatin - contoh my lunch buddy, Wana.. today is my turn to drive to lunch. Awal2 dia dh reject coz dia kata dia yg akan drive.. ye la I almost 8 months dah...sarat tu..Dia la yg drive tadi..and teman me to nearest grocery store to buy some veggies for dinner.. Bukan apa..malas nk singgah this kedai near my place.. asyik duk perati perut..rimas la...
Ade byk lagi contoh yg prihatin in my office..kalau turn to toilet..they always give me first.. best. Kalau kena turun bawah nk ambil updates ke apa.. pun dh tak payah..ade saje yg bermurah hati nk ambilkan.. Al-hamdulillah semoga murah rezeki korang semua..
Yang tak prihatin - Mr hubs. -_____- I saje la tanye dia malam tadi..smpai bila org mengandung blh drive kereta. Dia blh ckp smpai beranak.. hoih..tak paham sungguh.
Lps tu malam tadi jugak while I was asleep, few times jugak kaki nie cramped. Kalau dh cramped tu membawak la sampai ke pagi.. Bangun tu I bagitau dia..kot2 dia nk hantar me ke office... Nk pegi main futsal pulak!!!!! I terus diam n turun terus drove to office.. Geram jugak..coz mesti dia ingat I mengada2 lebih.. hmmmphh..
Otw to office he called tanye OK tak.. I ckp je OK then letak terus.. ye la tgh drive..hampir merembes jugak la..tp malas nk ikutkan emosi nie..kang bengkak2 mata pulak kt office nie..
Emosi berjaya diubat dgn grilled chicken chop and yummilicious iced choc I had for lunch... yeay!! :D
Owh..tiba2 rase tak sedap badan balik.. blh ke makan paracetemol byk2 time preggy nie.. I dh minum air bergelen2 dah nk ilang kan sakit2 badan nie..hish...
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Malam tadi.. :)
How sweet when your little one really concern 'bout ur baby bump more than ur hubby? :) Tu la Faruq..really touching..
Last nite, when I wanted to put him to bed, I usually took my bath first then sapu2 lotion satu badan including cocoa butter lotion to my tummy. Faruq pun ikut sama sapu lotion kt kaki. But last nite, he took my cocoa butter lotion and sapu all over my tummy and asked me, "Baby tidur ke mama? Tidur eh baby?" while patting my tummy. Papa dia pun takdenya nk tolong sapu2 nie..
Soo touching. Suddenly I feel sad coz after this baby lahir, for sure I will have lesser time with him. Pagi2 pun dia dh tak berapa nak mandi dgn Papa dia, and insisted to mandi with me.. owh sedih...
I love you so much Faruq Rifqi..and I will never ever leave you alone eventho ur lil sis dh lahir nanti...
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Ke pejabat juger..
Eventho demam, saya still pergi kerja juga today. Kenapa? Sebab tamau nanti byk kerja tertunggak. Kenapa? Sebab tamau susahkan org lain tolong kerja saya. Kenapa? Sebab takut TL baru....owh itu tipu..he is way better than I predicted. Ok la at least am more discipline now. Ye ye..tadi saya masuk lambat jugak. 9.20. Huh!
I was supposed to join my team for team lunch..tp here I am..on my desk (dh tak sesuai word 'desk' kan? Workstation instead?) I just ordered eat-in lunch yg baru je diperkenalkan di Cyberjaya..Food blh tahan la..just now I had white rice with kurma ayam, kubis goreng and sambal kentang & ikan bilis.. Tekak belum berapa berasa..so just makan utk isi perut n untuk si kecik kt dalam nie juger. Thanks to Wana yg bermuah hati nk orderkan food and ambilkan from 3rd floor. Mak buyung nie tak larat nk naik turun tangga katanya.. Rase blessed sgt coz people here in WK really prihatin kepada ibu mengandung.. :)
Izat just came back from long holiday and bought sone chocs for our team..pun rase tawar...heheh..He also bought bottles of minyak gamat for me..and it's all free..Thanks Izat!! Hish panjang umur mamat nie..time saya menaip para tentang dia nie..dia muncul pulak.. :D
Owh checkup last Sunday sgt2 lama. Bukan check-upnya yg lama..menunggu yg lama.. we waited almost 2hours baru la sampai turn I..dh la demam kan..I just ignored to take any other pills from normal clinic..takut kan..so merana la kedemaman lama jugak nie.. Tapi kalau pregnant, memang susah nk dapat ubat. Ubat2 semuanya mild sebab takmau effect kat baby kan..
I lost 1 kg which is not good for pregnant woman kan? Last pregnancy, my weight tade nya nk turun2.. bertambah2 lagi ade.. :P Tapi this time around, si kecik nie pulak bertambah2. Last two weeks she weighted as 1.2 kg, dat day dah 1.5 kg.. amboi ambik berat mama ye..Kemain lagi dia..dh bertambah2 active skarang..tapi yg leganya, malam saya still boleh tidur. Tak mcm time Faruq dulu..jadi burung hantu..
Faruq sekarang nie berabuk speaking English. I was told by his teacher, he speaks English quite well now.. Tapi I just buat bodoh je..bila dah dengar sendiri..baru tau..
Malam tadi la..after balik dari dinner, I asked him to roam around kat belakang rumah nak tgk kittens. Selalu nya dia terus pergi eventho gelap kan.. nie tak.. tiba2 ckp.. "No way mum, It's too spooky.." Wah terkejut mama dia.. :D
Monday, February 1, 2010
Down with fever & flu~
Dah almost 3 days am down with fever and flu. Event yg penting2 mcm yg SIL nye merisik tu pun I tak attend..birthday my niece as well as my best friend's wedding Jep.. dan juga dh janji dgn Diana nk dtg rumah dia pun tak pergi...tak larat sgt...
Yesterday I went for my check-up, and yes I got MC for today and the doc adviced me to rest rest rest....
Doc: You ni tak cukup rehat.
Me: Rehat la Doc. Yesterday, I slept whole day..
Doc: Dah sakit baru nk rehat.. mana nak jalan... must be BEFORE u got sick...
Dush dush dush..terasa tumbukan kt muka..huhuhu...
Later yea kawan2..ade byk nk cerita...tp kena hold dulu..coz me nk makan ubat n nk berehat plus mandi manda... :) doakan saya cepat sembuh..







