Emo-ing

Tatau kenapa..maybe sebab my pregnancy or work related or personal...today I become sooo emotional..smpai air mata menitik la jugak setitik dua kt dpn monitor nie..luckily nobody realized it...

When I woke up this morning, I realized that Faruq is not well..since last night dia dh ade flu...and susah nk breath coz hidung tersumbat..so I prepared him with medicine, his favourite food etc to babysitter's place.. Tak dpt la dia nk ke sekolah..tak sihat kan? My mind now wondering how is he right now. Dah call his babysitter, he still have fever..and tiba2 lak menangis tak pasal2..hmm..so malam nie agenda for sure to clinic...

One more thing that make me more down was, I realized the tiny kitten that I rescued at the back at my home during rainy day died this morning..No more Albab (name given by me..coz he continuously sounded like crying all the time..). I remember the very first time I gave him cat's milk using the tiny milk bottle, he seems to know how to suck the tit..and it was really cute.. :( Actually 2-3 days before I found him, I heard his crying voice loudly behind my backyard but I couldn't see any kitten until that day, hubs saw him near the dump site behind my house. He really strong coz he can survived..dah la raining season kan.. I know he cannot survive without his own mum..(I couldn't find his mum). Yesterday he started to pupu (dirrhea) a lot..Coz he already ate the wet kitten food, and he couldn't survive anymore..and died this morning.. uwaaaaaaaaa..eventhough I only took care of him for the past 5 days..but it really broke my heart..Dh bungkus dh his body..balik nanti nk tanam belakang rumah.. :(

OK back to my emo-ing mode..smpai office..I know today is my KPI session..ok lagi..coz I prepared everything yesterday..during the session..ah..this time is my heart-breaking session..I admit I just simple employee..but my work is always on time..no errors..bla bla bla..tp tu la.. kalau org dh tak appreciate..ko buat apa pun tak guna kan..org tak nampak..org tak sebut pun..I did the most difficult book last time..pun takde yg ingat kot...suddenly I was accused of bad-mouthing about some one etc etc..malas nk elaborate..it will broke me into tears again..thanks to my close colleagues who comforted me to overcome this emotional time. Org lain blh bagi reason ayah sakit tgh chemo bagai..cannot do their task etc.. etc..hey look here...I AM PREGNANT.. I never use my pregnancy as a reason to escape..lagi pulak..patut tak blh stress langsung during pregnancy kan? It's not good..do you remember last time..my mum was sick too..and I didn't even pass my job to anybody..buat kt rumah segala..boleh je..

Being here for the past 3 years plus..really don't give any meaning to anybody kot..tah la...

Today I want to go off earlier to look after Faruq and bury my little Albab..will ganti tomorrow one hour..sigh..