Hibernated!

Salam peeps,

How was your day? I hope everything moved perfectly. Mine was ok.. Alhamdulillah.. Bz juggling between work and personal, family to be exact..

Some was Ok, some wasn't.. It is called normal life.. Kalau hidup ni happy memanjang, bukan hidup namanya.. Kan?

I hope my busy-ness and whole hearted commitment to work will worth.. Kesian kt my family. Lesser time spent tapi tak berbaloi..

I some how think is it worth it? Am I being "used" for just work sake? And suddenly, i terfikir.. One of the colleague told me.. Kita takkan dapat dua-dua.. Kalau ko terlampau fokus pada kerja, ko kena letakkn family nombor dua atau kalau ko fokus pada family aje, kerja ko kena letak nombor dua..

And now I think what he said is somehow true.. Sekarang ni, I mmg slalu balik lewat..kengkadang bila balik, cuma ade sejam dua masa utk the kids.. Lps tu I dah sibuk nak tidur.. Penat.. Or bukak laptop buat kerja lagi.. Faruq and Farissa demanded my attention yang kengkadang buat I naik geram coz I duk fikir pasal kerja..

Pernah jugak terfikir nak berhenti tapi... Kena jugak selesaikn hutang2 especislly PTPTN.. Takkan nak bebankn hubs?

Yang paling sedih last 2 weeks, both kids kena admitted kt ward.. Masa tu I kat Melaka outstation.. Skarang 70% of the tasks as parent, hubs yang buat.. Berbaloi ke?

I know dilemma ni memang selalu berlaku to career mum.. But in my situation mcm x nmpak pon yg I boleh excel in my career.. Byk faktor penghalang pun..rasa mcm digunakan pon ade.. Hmm..

Fikir punya fikir, I think I need to slow down a bit.. Focus more to family.. Kalau perlu kena downgrade position pon xpe..janji anak-anak terurus.. Or cari kerja lain?

Oh.. Dilemmanyaaaa... Blog ni pon dh x terjaga dah..

Honestly, i dah penat, rasa mcm nk jumpa arwah mak, arwah abah.. Nak borak2 tentang apa saja.. Malas nk ganggu kawan2.. My besties ade yg pregnant.. Ade yg baru kehilangan Mak jugak (ni pun i xleh commit nak visit dia). Sorry awak .. :(

Oklah sebelum merempan dgn lebih lama, I better stop..

Good night people..sweet dreams..

Love, R.